i miss the Uk,
much more than i thought i would….
i chose only to see the evil, neglecting the obvious good..
thats exists and persists,
in the struggle, in the fight,
in the British society where the laws arent always in line with what i think is Right,,,
I considered only myself,
what was best just for me,
an easier way out of the mess that i found myself in,
was impossible to see…
my mind is here(in Melbourne),
but my heart is back home,
i acknowledge that truth every time i find myself sitting on the sand, stuck staring at the waves and their foam…
wondering why the fuck i moved,
why the fuck i ran..
trying hard not to accept, that i would have faced up to my problems in the Uk if I was a real MAN….
So maybe thats why i feel bad,
instead of just homesick or sad??
im weaker than i thought i was,
lacking the honesty i was so sure that i had…
I cant escape myself,
no matter how far i travel…
i cant avoid the growing need,
to grab holda my soul and try unravel…
the thoughts and the feelings,
the anger and the pain..
maybe I can try work out why it is that I prefer the outside world with rain….
when there are fewer people on the streets,
and i can relax with a joint and good beats….
without feeling the gaze of some bad intentioned spectator…
i go out in bad weather because in normal conditions, i too easily become a hater…
cos i cant help but look into strangers’ eyes,
Where i see both my own and their weakly guarded lies……..