3 year old eyes

May 24, 2007

For many years, I have felt it deep down within me, A damaged part of my Soul, I could sense and hear screaming out, but not see…

And last year, I finally found out the cause, Of the sporadic affliction of the inner wars,

 That have plagued me incessantly, Whenever I have been Alone, Off and on as into a Man I have grown,

With a flurry of Cruelty, The cover of the hidden sniper from my past was finally Blown….

 I tried so hard to avert my eyes, To shield Myself from what I read, But the gravity of Uncovering the last few pieces of my story, Became quickly as heavy as lead…

I tried to forget, I engineered a serious case of Denial, But as soon as I opened up my story to a close friend, I sunk straight back into feeling lowly and vile…

Sharing even a glimpse of my inner turmoil didn’t make me feel better, In fact, It made me feel Worse, And after speaking about it, I couldn’t look at My Life as amounting to anything other than an unfortunate Curse…

When I looked into a mirror, I saw a Demon, A twisted ManCHild,Created by the devil’s semen…

 The strength of the hatred, Was too much for my soul to bear, Every second of consciousness, Became a walking nightmare…

Then She left me; My lover jumped onto another man’s dick, And it was the swiftness of her betrayal that Sent me over a Line of depression where I started to accept that I was Spiritually Sick…

That I needed to sort Myself Out, Get my Feet back onto the ground, That I had been behaving like a human shaped cyclone of Despair, Able to hear only the deafening Sound,

 Of my agonizingly contorted soul, Screaming out in pain, I realized at this point, That I had been going Insane…

So I started facing my Story, I let the Self-Loathing rise unopposed to the surface, For another week or two, I remained destructively nervous,

 But then I allowed a few mates to feel me, Gave them the Problem in gory detail, And as soon as I saw the Love in their eyes, It was as if a warm Caribbean breeze had got caught in my sail…

 I immediately improved, I began to Make sense of what had Been, I Made peace with the reasons for my sensitivity, And managed to dissolve some of the Hurt caused by the horrors that my 3 year old eyes had seen…

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vitality is surging

May 17, 2007

I was lost in a sea of self-hatred,
Drowning in tears of my own making,
Punishing myself so much for something from my past that can’t be changed,
That I was Causing the very foundations of my Spirit to be shaking…

But with the help of so many others,
I am now waking up and re-emerging,
Regaining love for who I am,
While my vitality is surging…

I had been treating myself like shit,
Encouraging the world around me to do the same,
That, I see so clearly now, is the sign of sick soul,
And it is time to play a different game…
To sing a different tune…
I am coming back to Planet Earth, cos it is too lonely and cold living on the dark side of the Moon…

…I am Speaking to so many people,
Getting back into the books,
Hopeful of a brighter future,
And of connecting with a lady who has more to her Existence than just gorgeous looks…


Down with the priests

May 13, 2007

slaves and Pig-Priests…Give the grunts their toys, their cars, their stereos, and a carefully instilled notion of freedom(especially potent when compared to other ‘less developed’ countries and societies). Make them fully aware of who waters the Money Tree which controls the dispersion of the notion of freedom and potential for Living Your Life Your Way, then fill their simple minds with whatever you please…Propogate the most simple minded grunts, crush any dissidents with an iron fist or better still tell the grunts that anyone different is not only against the Priests but in turn against the Toy loving grunts, and let the Mob take them down for kicks….But at some point, the human spirit, shows itself in not just one grunt, but in two, then three, then four and so on…And these Perceptive Grunts see the Priests game. Then they say, fuck em, let’s carve em up. But then they must deal with the Mob and make sure that the Mob is satisfied in some way. Becoming less efficient Priests is not the way to go, as the routine will repeat. We need the Perceptive, Aware Grunt % to rise, sharply as possible…Down with the Priests.